Phenomenological Research Methods

When I started this chapter of my textbook about a week ago, I found it so dense and difficult that I skipped it. It was evening when I started to read and I just couldn't get through the initial pages. This morning, in the clear daytime, I started again and this time I found it not only understandable, but deeply meaningful.

The study of transcendent psychology does not, obviously, lend itself to quantitative means. This chapter is about the phenomenon of being - of be-ing, which is near and dear to my heart. The methods of study in this trans-egoic topic are difficult to discern. How does one study the effects of silence (I think Dr. Ballou did exactly that!)? How does one study the effects of prayer, of faith, of meditation? How does one study the interconnectedness of all beings? How does one acknowledge the blurry lines between self and other, between the sacred and the mundane?

It is with story, with qualitative study that one studies these topics. So, when qualitative study is regarded as 'less than' in the field of research, we lose so much - we lose this level of transformative and transcendent psychology. In my opinion, these aspects of being are as important, perhaps more important, to our overall sense of satisfaction and joy, than all the physical, easily counted, aspects. This is where my heart lies. But...in my time this morning, I recognized again that this is where I spend little of my time and energy. It's what I believe, but it's what I've learned not to talk about, deferring to the practical, the tangible, the "productive." I am lonely - this part of me is constantly "tickled" in my study and then put on the shelf in my being. The inconsistency is wearing away at me and I experience the physical consequences of the dichotomy. Awareness is a start, but not enough. How do I begin to honor that which is really "me?"

The Power of Writing

I have spent this morning re-reading many of the papers I've written over the past 5 semesters of college. It is revealing to see how I've grown and changed throughout this process and, I have to say, I'm impressed with some of what I've written. In fact, I think I will compile all of the essays into a book of sorts to keep once I'm done with college. I see the value in the writing, however, and ponder the loss of that when I'm no longer formally required to do so. Although I have a journal, it tends to be about the daily life, not so much about my reading, synthesizing, and reflecting. It is clearly a valuable process.

I am interested to see how this will all come together into a degree project for the culmination of my Burlington College experience. Although I already have a plan for the scope of the project, by creating a Mentoring Manual, it is clear to me that contextualizing the depth of concepts and insights will be both interesting and daunting. It is also exciting to realize that I will, in effect, be writing a book - the book I've wanted to write for some time.

Luke recently wrote in his blog an encouragement to people to write - I couldn't agree more!! I want to continue this throughout my life, and this blog is a helpful forum for doing exactly that.

Transpersonal Research Methods

Okay, so that sounds like a pretty boring topic. I was not thrilled when I learned that this was a required course for me in this semester at BC. What I've discovered, however, is that it is anything but boring. It's not about quantitative research, which (sorry Eileen) is about as approachable for me as economics (and yes, I need to learn more about both).

I have been interested to read about ways of knowing and researching that are more intuitive, more story driven, and more empowering to those people who are often left without voice. Braud and Anderson describe many different models of transpersonal research and I've just begun to explore them. This morning I have been reading about "Integral Inquiry," which honors empirical research methods and expands upon them with a continuum of possibilities in the realm of research. Although I certainly value the empirical methods and look for such validity in the study that I undertake, I appreciate the effort to recognize, value, and incorporate other means of learning and becoming wiser.

Just a couple of quotes that have leapt out at me this morning:

Evelyn Underhill, a researcher from 1915 is quoted as saying, "Wisdom is the fruit of communion; ignorance is the inevitable portion of those who 'keep themselves to themselves,' and stand apart, judging, analyzing the things which they have never truly known."

I recognize Luke, Katie, and Chris in this quote. They didn't want to just study Thai culture or the nature and geography of Thailand. In their desire to learn about the culture, they recognized the need to be there, to live within, not just to visit as a tourist. I honor their way of knowing.

Jonas Salk also describes his ability, his need, to immerse himself into the being of what he was studying. "Very early in my life I would imagine myself in the position of the object in which I was interested. Later, when I became a scientist, I would picture myself as a virus, or cancer cell, for example, to try to sense what it would be like to be either."

The point is that these forms of research can and should be complementary, not competitive. They are the yin and the yang of human ways of knowing, and they belong together. Braud and Anderson use the idea of complementary conjugates, pointing out that "the root of conjugate implies playing together" (Braud, Anderson, 1998, p. 42). We needn't fear other ways of knowing, or of being.

New Academic Module

I registered today for a new module in my degree program. It's called DP1 - or Degree Project 1 - and it is the beginning of the end. The assignments are more prescribed and designed to take me through a process of reflection and design, into the final degree project required for graduation.

I like the idea of reflection. I think it speaks highly of the college that they not only recommend, but require, their students to stop and think about what they've learned, to toss it around, to explore the concepts once again and to wonder, on paper, how the learning has changed their lives. My learning has certainly changed my life. It has happened in both large and small ways, and I wonder who I would be now without this experience. I am grateful for the opportunity on many levels - to explore ideas that require me to challenge my mind in ways that I rarely experience. I have explored concepts that are new to me, yet resound deep in the bowels of my existence. Clearly they've been there all along, I just didn't know others had studied the topics and articulated the thoughts I hold so dear.

Now the time has come for me to put it all on the line. That is both daunting and exciting to me. I'm not really nervous about the work of the semester, but I am nervous about how much that work means to me. I can go at it with an attitude of mediocrity, or I can attach a measure of Self into the work, to make it all that it can be. I prefer the latter. I have had a semester off, I have done the work (and joy) of relationships. I won't let those go, but I want very much to use the next year of my life to delve deeply into my mind and my soul. Then, I want to write and to create to the best of my ability - a work for which I can be proud, and one I can put on my own bookshelf for my own heirs.

Let the games begin...

Wedding bell blues

The month comes to a close, and with the beginning of a new month tomorrow, there comes a new phase in my life. The first new phase started on July 3, when I became a grandmother. Now I will become, once again, a mother-in-law.

I feel out of sync with Jake & Jenny as they prepare to close on their new house on Tuesday and then get married on Saturday. I haven't figured out how to help them, or how to be with them during this time. I think those concerns come from Ego. I have this feeling that I'm somehow supposed to be present with them in some wise or helpful way. The message that I am receiving, however, is that they are quite competent, thank you very much, and I need to let the ego go and simply Be in this situation. None of it is about me, and I recognize that my concerns are because I've made it about me rather than about them. This is an important lesson for me, and I clearly need to spend some time thinking about it, and letting go in a very healthy way.

Choices

I am struggling to live out the philosophies that I embrace in my studies. It is a good thing for me to be challenged and to be reminded that what sounds quite logical and important (and is), isn't always as easy at it is simple.

I am exhausted. I want to relax and have fun. I have much to be happy about (see previous post) and to look forward to. Despite those realities, I feel crabby and tired, and I want to whine! Yet, I recognize that I am making choices - each choice to whine takes me further from my own joy. Each choice to worry, to find the negative, to frown...is a choice to give away the joie d'vivre that is hard-wired in me. I don't have to make those choices. I recognize that sometimes we are just tired - sometimes I am just tired - and in those times I am weak. However, gaining strength and rejuvenating doesn't come from giving in to exhaustion, it comes from recognizing the Breath of Life, the hope that transcends daily worries. It is in this choice, in the choice to smile, to embrace, and to live Now rather than next week, that I can find the peace that I need right now.

Writing helps...

Transitions

This has been a summer of transitions. I knew it would be a busy one and that's why I decided to take the semester off from college studies. Although I have continued to be involved in my practicum activities, I think it was the best idea ever to refrain from committing to academic study.
The summer started with a new grand-child. Dylan was born on July 3 and is a gem. Who knew what fun it would be to have a grand-baby!! (Actually, every grandmother knows it and I've been told a million times! :-) He's so cute and changes rapidly so I'm sad that I don't get to see him very often. But, that's the way life is and I can choose to regret that or choose to treasure the times that we are together!

I went on a sisters' retreat in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Lynne and I flew there and Eileen hosted. It was a wonderful 5 days, exploring the cities, devouring the creation of Eileen & Shelly's house and yard, and mostly just spending the time with my sisters. Great stuff!

Now we are about to see Jake & Jenny married and housed, and to bid bon voyage to Luke & Katie. It is going to be an emotion-filled beginning of September as the life events for my 'children' impact my sense of self. It is with joy that I see each of them on their own adventures - knowing that they are in the right places at the right times. Life unfolds in the most amazing ways, and I never cease to be in awe of the movements, the dance of lives that weave in and out, held by the bond of family.

Life is good. I'm a happy person!